Fun with Gred and Feorge!
by scowlingpixie
Summary: George likes to call himself multitalented.Fred thinks his brother is an idiot.This is a story about Fred & George's first year at Hogwarts. Hilarity, Hijinks and Hairraising suspense.
1. Transfiguration, Laughter & Dungbombs

**Disclaimer:** If I owned Harry Potter, I would be sipping a martini. Instead, I resort to writing FanFics. Well done JK!

Enjoy!

* * *

The entrance to the Great Hall echoed with uncontrollable laughter.

Fred and George Weasley stood in the middle of a crowd of very amused spectators having turned their best friend, Lee, into an incredibly chubby pixie.

Zonko's newest product helped underage wizards perform complicated transfiguration with a concoction that had been delivered to the twins earlier that morning. By simply dropping a few droplets into a glass of water, the twins had successfully transformed Lee into a priest Barbie, a colossal troll with a high-pitched voice and Filch - complete with a pink tutu and a pink, musical wand.

Just as Lee was swallowing the antidote, much to the disappointment of the humoured crowd, Fred and George took a large, cohesive step forward to greet their fellow peers, only to take a deep bow and motion to Lee to do the same. The crowd cheered even louder and one of the fourth-years whistled very loudly.

Professor Snape swept swiftly to where the cheering came from, robes billowing behind him. He was followed by a very worn out Filch, wheezing from running so quickly. Snape smirked as he turned the last corner – the Weasley twins would be in deep trouble now if he got a say in anything.

"Well, well, well. What have we here?" Snape sneered at the twins, his greasy hair shining against the light of the enchanted ceiling. "Looks as if someone's been performing a little magic … out of class. Hand it over, Weasley."

"Sir, we were only having a bit of fun -" George reasoned.

"And by the looks of things, it seems we've only improved the atmosphere!" added Fred.

"It's not illegal to entertain you know. Besides, this product definitely NOT against the law. There's nothing you can do." George concluded and stood up very straight, staring defiantly into Snape's beady little eyes.

"DETENTION! And if you try to back-chat me ONE MORE TIME, I will PERSONALLY make sure you are expelled for interrupting other students study time." Snape spat out each word, glanced down, and snatched the crystal clear vial from George's hands, smirking.

"Mr Filch, if you will?" Snape continued malevolently. "We will be investigating this little ILLEGAL substance." He gave the bottle to Filch's outstretched hands and told him to place it in the high security cupboards that stretched the walls of Filch's office. Lee took a daring step forward.

"But sir! As George already told you: the potion isn't illegal. It's completely harmless."

"That I doubt, Mr Jordan. You will be joining your… friends'… in detention." At the word 'friends', Snape rolled his eyes. "We will discuss the date at a later time."

Snape looked around, "WELL?" he yelled. And with that, all the students congregating in the hallway filed out, only daring to talk in secretive whispers, scattering in different directions.

* * *

"The moron."

"The worthless moron."

"The irritating, worthless moron."

"The … irritatingly handsome worthless moron."

Fred and George stopped in their tracks. Had Lee just called Snape HANDSOME?

"Whoa guys! Just kidding!" Lee laughed at the twins' horrified expressions. George took a tentative step towards Lee.

"Lee, is there something you're not telling little Frederick and me?"

"George is awfully worried Lee. You see, he's had a bit of a liking towards you since we were 5! You'll break his heart." Fred pouted and wiped away an imaginary tear whilst patting his brother on the back. Unable to contain their hilarity anymore, the three rolled about laughing, finding that there was an advantage to bursting into hysterics on a staircase – there was something to hold onto for support.

Fred, George and Lee had not realised they had reached their dormitory so quickly and chuckled as Fred confidently yelled the password, 'Bopping Trolls' (a password chosen by Fred himself) to the Fat Lady who was directly in front of them. She frowned slightly as they entered; she obviously didn't approve of the new password.

The small team flopped into the large armchairs in front of a warm fire that licked the walls of the fireplace ravenously.

"So gentlemen, Halloween soon. Any ideas?"

The silence that followed this question was broken by Fred, who boisterously called across the room to Angelina, oblivious to the angry students studying for tests.

"Oi! Angelina! Any ideas for Halloween?"

"Oh shut up, Fred! I'm working!"

Fred looked back at George and shrugged his shoulders.

"I guess we're alone then."

* * *

School the next day was nothing out of the usual; the exception being that George heard no less than twenty-three different people talk about the threesome's excellent transfiguration the previous night. George decided that he didn't have the heart to tell them that they were failing transfiguration at the moment and it was simply a Zonko's product. However, he also saw eight vials containing a crystal-clear liquid that looked remarkably like the vial he had the night before. He smiled. Transfiguration would be very interesting.

He strolled towards the classroom where he met his fellow classmates waiting to go inside. Like Fred and Lee, George received a few pats on the back and winks from people who obviously disliked Snape and greatly approved of the twins' comments to him – even if their cheek _did_ land the twins in detention.

Professor McGonagall had obviously heard about the incident, and could not contain her admiration of the twins' daring. She smiled throughout the entire lesson, and, unusually, permitted students to work in a relaxed environment – which, of course, the twins and Lee immediately took advantage of. She even failed to correct Lee when he told her that he had "lost his pillow", after she had, in fact, seen him transfigure it into a large pile of 'chocolate' and share it amongst his nearby classmates. When the unwitting students, obviously ignorant of Fred, George and Lee's near infamous reputation, all sneezed and instantly turned a slight shade of brown, she insisted it was the toast they had had for breakfast and sent them to the Hospital Wing.

As the bell rang and the students started to pack up their things, she passed Fred and quietly said how superb his transfiguration was the previous evening, surreptitiously awarding him 10 points for Gryffindor.

Upon leaving the Transfiguration classroom, George met Fred at the end of the corridor, who was trying to convince Angelina to go out with him.

"Aww come on, Angelina! I know that you need me like a carnivore needs plants."

"Fred. Do you realise this is the 22nd time you've asked me out?" For some reason, despite Angelina's disdain, Fred grinned triumphantly.

"You've been keeping track?" he said, but hastily added from Angelina's slightly deranged look, "I thought you may need time to change your mind!"

"I'm sorry, but the answer is still no." She started to walk off but stopped and turned back to Fred. He looked hopeful. "By the way, carnivores eat meat, Hun." And with that, she walked off towards the Great Hall for lunch, not sticking around long enough to catch his however brief crestfallen expression.

"George. She called me Hun. She needs me!"

"She needs you like a pillow needs sunglasses. Better luck next time, bro." Fred punched his brother on the shoulder playfully and chuckled. They walked off to lunch together, complaining how girls had minds that were far too complicated for boys to understand. Fred was of the firm opinion that someone should write a guidebook - 'Why Girls Reject Guys When They Obviously Need Them'.

They were bought back to reality when passing Filch's office – it seemed as though someone had dropped a Dungbomb or two somewhere close. _And good on 'em!_ thought George.

But their joyful attitude towards the bombs did not last long. Filch came fuming from his office, yet it did not seem as if he was able to string two words together.

"_Blasted_ … _Dungbombs_ … _Students!_ … _L-l-ludicrous_ … I WANT TO SEE SOME PUNISHMENT!" Fred and George, taking their cue from the murderous look that they were on the receiving end of from Filch, hastily began to explain that it wasn't _their _fault – not this time, anyway – but to no avail. Filch simply grabbed hold of both of their collars and pushed them down the slope into his office before either really knew what he was doing. He locked the door from the outside with a key and ran off to get hold of another teacher as fast as his scrawny legs would carry him.

The twins had been in this office many times before, but never alone. Curious, they walked around the room and studied the filing cabinets.

"Hey, Fred! Do you reckon our potion from Zonko's is here somewhere?"

"George, I think you may be correct. Along with a variety of other fabulous products just waiting for us to lay hands on them." The twin replied, grinning evilly. Spirits renewed with a little more energy, the Weasley twins looked hastily through cabinets, trying to find something that could prove useful.

"Bingo!" Fred had come across a cabinet named 'Confiscated and Highly Dangerous' that seemed to faintly glow around the edges. But just as he was about to open it, the twins heard Filch yell.

"Foul-bloody-mongrels! If only the Ministry 'adn't written up those bans on experimental breedin', I'd set sumfink nasty loose on them 'ooligans!" and he named a few more horrid punishments that seemed to give him some kind of morbid delight.

"George – " began Fred.

"I'm on it. Stupid git forgot that we _can_ do magic – even if he can't." And with that, George slipped out of the office door after muttering the incantation, '_alohomora_'.

George was only gone for a few seconds when Fred smelled the stench of a freshly-set Dungbomb penetrate the office he was in. _Sodding cabinet_, Fred thought, _for Merlin's sake, why did Filch have to lock it? With a key! _Fred smiled. _Well squibs can't exactly use spells, can they?_ He looked around for a moment, and it didn't take long for him to spot a very small key nicely taped to the side of the desk. Unfortunately for Filch, the peculiar lighting in the office hit the silver key and it shone brightly as if willing for someone to take it.

He heard Filch scream in triumph and shortly after, George yelped. Worried for his brother, Fred hastily grabbed the key and unlocked the cabinet. Flustered, he only managed to grab one thing from the cabinet before rushing out to find George missing. The smell outside the office was atrocious. Clenching his nose so hard that he was sure it would break, the twin ran up the stairs to the Gryffindor common room to carefully study the blank piece of parchment he was holding in his left hand.

* * *

A/N - Heya everyone! This is my first FanFic story so far - hope you liked it. Please review - it's just one click away... I know you waaaant to! 


	2. The Parchment That Wouldn't

**A/N: **Thanks so much to all the fantabulous people that reviewed my last chapter! You're the greatest! I'm really sorry it has taken so LONG for me to update! I promise the future chapters will be out way sooner.

**Rememberal: **Fred has just stolen a blank piece of parchment from Filches' office whilst George distracted Filch.

* * *

Fred moaned as he collapsed onto the soft, plump armchair of the Gryffindor Common Room. _Where the hell was George?_ He paused for a moment and heard the once distant yells of students become louder and more urgent. The Fat Lady's portrait opened and George appeared bright red and gasping for air. Behind him, a large group of students stood fuming at him having had to hastily create a pathway for George to run through.

George clung to his knees, doubled over, trying to regain his breath. Satisfied, he stumbled over to Fred. His voice was irregular and bitter.

"Never… EVER… race Mrs Norris." As an afterthought, he added, "Bloody cat could win international cross-country paws down." He chuckled and threw himself at the nearest armchair. He groaned and shot an icy glare at Fred. "Our reward better be worthwhile."

Fred had momentarily forgotten about the parchment that was still clamped in his hand. He glanced down at it and released his grip on it ever so slightly.

"Well, brother. You will be pleased to know that I did manage to grab an item. As you will understand –"

"ONE ITEM! JUST. ONE. SODDING. ITEM! AFTER ALL OF OUR INTENSIVE TRAINING SESSIONS, I THOUGHT YOU WOULD HAVE LEARNT BETTER! _GINNY_ WOULD HAVE DONE BETTER THAN THAT! WHAT IN THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING? _Sodding unbelievable_–"

Fred cleared his throat loudly to silence his brother. "As you will understand, GEORGE, all items in that cabinet were… _supposed_… to be kept away from prying eyes. Every item there must be dangerous enough (_Fred's eyes gleamed maniacally at this_) to be confiscated and locked up. It's marvellous that we even own ONE of those items. Mind you, we do already own about fifty items that ought to be confiscated immediately." Fred chuckled and slid out of his armchair to walk over to George, who was still slightly angry at his brother for his bad judgement. Once Fred reached George, he held out the piece of parchment for George to study. George turned from slightly angry to rather sarcastic.

"Blank parchment. Oh my god, Fred. How wonderful! My brother is a genius!" He reached up to Fred and gave him a large bear hug, smothering his cheek in wet, slobbery kisses.

"George!" Fred's voice was muffled as he yelled to his brother's black robes. "Geroff me!"

George released Fred's head, faux-reluctant, and Fred rolled his eyes.

"I thought we could use this lunchtime to see what it is before Potions."

"And lunch is _when_, exactly?" Fred dismissed George with a wave of his hand. His eyes were glazed over in concentration – searching the parchment for anything that may be a clue.

Lee sauntered into the Common Room and spotted the twins hunched over the parchment and made a beeline towards them. Staring for a moment at their glassy eyes and vacant expressions as they turned the paper over and over again, he decided to finally say something.

"Guys, you're wizards!" George's head shot up and hit Fred's face as he tried to look at the parchment beneath George's head. Fred grabbed his nose and glared at his brother while Lee chuckled.

"Really?" Fred asked.

"Are you serious?" George added, over-excited.

"THAT'S AMAZING!" The twins spoke simultaneously – _eerily_ – in the way they often did. Lee gave the twins a sarcastic smile.

"I, Lee Jordan, along with my mischievous friends – Fred and George Weasley, command you to reveal the secrets you conceal!" Lee said, hitting the map with his wand.

The threesome huddled together and stared at the parchment where dainty, green handwriting began to appear as though an invisible hand was writing upon it.

_Mr Padfoot extends his greetings and is excited to learn that Mr Filch has some hard times ahead of him. _

George chuckled and looked at Fred, "'Fraid Filch's already gone mental trying to prove we're the ones that bewitched the snowballs to attack him every time he threatened fellow Hogwarters with detention!"

_Mr Prongs is eager to gain knowledge of mischievous pranks being pulled on unsuspecting pupils. _

Lee smirked at the twins, "They couldn't even guess."

_Mr Wormtail entirely agrees with Mr Prongs and would like to reveal the secrets of this parchment. _

Fred glanced over at George, perplexed.

_Mr Moony concurs with Mr Wormtail yet reminds him that revealing the password is prohibited among Marauders. _

George sighed before looking at the parchment one last time.

_Mr Prongs would like to wish Mr Jordan, Mr Weasley and Mr Weasley good-day and wishes them all the best at guessing the password. _

Lee, defeated, sank back into his chair, "Guess?" he groaned. "How the hell are we supposed to guess?"

"Gentlemen, the guessing game begins!"

"Alright!"

"Malfoys SUCK!"

"Appropriate passwords, Lee!"

"Right. Yes, SIR!"

"Pranks! Jokes! Mischief! Trouble?"

The parchment stayed blank. Not a word formed on its old, wrinkled surface.

"Marauders rock my world of flying inflatable sheep!"

George glanced at Fred. "Take that back. I seriously don't want a kid with an imagination as my brother!"

The threesome's lunchtime was pretty much a waste of time. It seemed easy enough for the twins to guess a password, having broken into their parent's room many times when they were younger to glimpse what their birthday presents may be.

No matter what the three of them guessed, the map stayed resolutely blank.

* * *

For the second time that day, George was running. Running being an understatement. He was flying along the corridors, skidding around corners and yelling at Fred and Lee for not checking their watches. George liked to call himself multi-talented.

"I cannot imagine" (his trainers squealed as he turned a tight corner) "what Snape's face is going to look like" (he sped down the dark, damp corridor leading towards the Dungeons) "when he finds us twenty minutes late" (he jumped down the stairs four at a time) "for his exciting class" (he slammed to a halt outside the door) "all about dungwax."

Fred and Lee skidded to a halt right behind him.

Fred peered into the keyhole of the dungeon door. "Oh. Damn." The class was deathly silent and not a word came from any of the students as Professor Snape held up a jar of brown, gluggy, melted wax. His voice was harsh and bitter – he obviously hadn't had a very good day.

"Okay. On the count of three… we back away slowly and pretend that we were sick all afternoon. 1… 2…" Fred's whispering was completely ignored by the other two, who were communicating in very fast, exaggerated movements. They seemed to be having no luck at all at portraying their messages, as each was now shaking their heads and pummelling their fists into their open hands. They both wore very angry expressions.

Unfortunately, it was that very moment that Snape paused his lecture for a dramatic effect. The class could now hear a series of quite frantic thumps issuing from just outside the classroom door. No one dared turn their head to have a look, as Snape's eyes narrowed into thin slits of dark ice.

When he spoke, his voice was barely a whisper, yet every single person in the class understood exactly what he meant and understood that the consequences of disobeying would be unforgiving.

"You will all be silent."

And with that, he strode to the door and flung it open. George and Lee were caught half-way through a miming act, and Fred was bending over, trying to look through the keyhole.

Snape stared at the three of them for a full minute, the silence loudly echoing off the walls. No one dared move.

"Detention. Eight o'clock. Here." Snape paused. "Every night for the rest of the term." Fred lowered his head and looked at Snape with very aggressive eyes. "How does it feel to also lose one hundred and fifty house points on top of detention? Pleasurable? Stimulating? Fun?"

Snape smirked and turned to face the class; who were all turned in their seats to get a better view of what was going on at the door of their classroom.

"Class dismissed." And with that, Snape strode past the three 'detention-seekers' and climbed the stairs of the dungeon as the bell finally sounded.

* * *

A/N: As for the next chapter, good things come to those who wait and review often! 


	3. Just a Little Fun

**A/N: **Okay first up: Thank you SO MUCH to the people who are still with me! I'm so sorry about the long wait – and yes, I lied last chapter. I promised it would be out quickly, but this time I give you permission to hang me if I don't have it out soon.

**Rememberal: **Our boys have just received detention from Snape – foul bludger that he is! And the 'lads' still don't know what the parchment is. Yes, I can hear you groaning. You're asking me, "How thick can they get?" Well if a pink flamingo was at your doorstep, would you realise it was actually a thief in disguise? Probably not. (And no, that has no relevance to anything.) ONWARDS!

* * *

_Mr Weasley, Mr Weasley & Mr Jordan,_

_A reminder that you will be serving detention at eight o'clock sharp this evening in the History of Magic classroom with Professor Filch. Please be prompt. _

_Professor McGonagall.

* * *

_

"Shovel it down, lads! Eat it aaalllll up!"

"Bloody hell Lee! We won't be THAT late! You sound like the food's going to disappear!"

"And, Lee, IT ISN'T!"

"Ah, dear friends. You're right. It's not the food that will disappear, but your HEADS ONCE MCGONAGALL'S THROUGH WITH YOU!"

"Ah, yes. Well." Fred and George ate with a fresh momentum, both rather valuing their heads.

* * *

"Sod it all! I'm too exhausted." 

Fred leaned against the stone wall, panting. All three were, as per usual, late. What started off as a daring, dashing sprint down the corridors had weakened quite rapidly into a slow plod to reach the third level History of Magic classroom.

Everything was silent.

Except George's moans in protest to running so quickly.

And the quiet curses that rapidly flew out of Fred's mouth.

And the continuous sound of Lee banging his head against the wall.

Other than that, silence.

Until a few moments later, when Filch's wheezy voice could be heard, gradually becoming louder and louder.

The three boys all heard Filch – they had had much practice at detecting teachers' voices from far away – it was their specialty.

Fred, George and Lee all fell silent. Obviously the running hadn't handicapped them so badly that they had to face Filch as a consequence. And Filch knew that the three were supposed to be in detention – he kept logs. It was his specialty.

"Professor Snape. It's gone." The three backed into the shadows and listened intently. Snape's harsh, bitter voice cut across Filch's rambling.

"Why in Merlin's name wasn't it protected? LIKE I ASKED!" Even though Snape's voice was quieter than if he were yelling at trouble-makers, he still sounded menacing. It was _his_ specialty.

"Forgive me, Professor, forgive me - but it was! I don't know how it was stolen," Filch paused. "If that map gets into the wrong hands…"

"Yes I know! But they'll never guess the password. All the spells in the world and we couldn't figure it out. However, Filch, there is still an issue…" Snape's voice trailed off for a moment. "You will make SURE that nothing like this happens again. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, Professor."

* * *

So, what do you think, Fred? Lee? 

**I'm ecstatic! We weren't punished for being late. I could have kissed Filch!**

_**We weren't punished because he was later than us. Does anyone else think that writing lines is a stupid punishment for entertaining fellow Hogwartians!**_

'I solemnly swear that I will never disrupt fellow students with humorous substances or disrupt important classes.' I could have come up with a better line than that.

_**Do you reckon we can disrupt unimportant classes? **_

**Good point my dear friend.**

_**I hate Snape. **_

**_S_top complaining. **

_**You were the one moaning out in the corridor. Seriously, George. Running isn't that hard. **_

**You were the one bashing your head against the wall. Like hell you won't complain tomorrow. **

You're both wimps. And I was actually talking about the missing map. Unknown password. Suspicious?

_**You reckon it's a map – what we took today? **_

Thank Merlin! You actually have a brain!

_**Thanks, Cupcake.

* * *

**_

After writing two and a half long and thoroughly exhausting lines swearing that they would never disrupt fellow Hogwartians, the group were getting restless… again.

"Psst! Fred!"

Fred snapped out of his daydream – a rather eventful one of Angelina dressed up as an elaborate frog… tiara and all – and looked over at George. He raised his eyebrows in thought. George had his wand pointed at Frank's head that was bent over his parchment a couple of rows down, a smirk plastered across his freckled face.

He muttered a spell under his breath and Frank's quill snapped loudly.

"Frungles," They heard him mumble. He searched through his bag by his side and pulled out another quill and started writing. It snapped again.

George confusedly looked at Fred – they hadn't done anything. Fred was smiling at Lee, who had just lowered his wand, returning Fred's smile.

Frank searched though his bag, and found that he had no quills left, so he rose from his chair to borrow one from Filch. Returning with a bitten, old quill that he looked at with distaste, he sat down and started to write again. As if on cue, the quill snapped, so Frank leant back in his chair, closed his eyes, and groaned.

George had other plans. Frank had suffered enough. Why not let others share his fun?

"Defungo!" Katie let out a shriek as her ink bottle exploded over her white blouse.

"Ohmygod. Ohmygod. Ohmygod! WHAT THE BLOODY-" She spun around in her seat to see who might be the culprit, but only saw hardworking students with quills scratching against their parchment.

Her eyes narrowed on George's wand lying on crumpled parchment.

"Miss Bell, get back to your lines!"

"But professor! My shirt!"

"I think a simple cleaning spell may do the trick. You will not be leaving until I have one hundred lines from you."

Katie grumbled to herself and cleaned her blouse. Lee was quite interested in what she had to say. Pointing at her throat, he muttered inconspicuously, "_Sonorus_."

"Weasley will pay!" Katie didn't realise that the entire room could hear her grumblings until it was too late. "You just wait! Stupid, arrogant, filthy Filch. Just a measly squib that… Oh dear."

Filch's eyes narrowed in on Katie.

"'Oh dear' is right. Come here Miss Bell."

Fred, George and Lee chuckled as Katie slowly rose from her seat, glaring at the three boys, who instantly did their best to plaster an innocent expression, or rather, what they thought passed for an innocent expression, on their faces.

Katie slowly trudged over to Filch.

"Quite ironic, isn't it? Blue ink, and a blue expression on that face of yours knowing that you have a week's worth of detention."

Katie groaned - not because of the extra nights slaving away in detention, but because Filch looked as if his pun had just won him the Lottery.

* * *

**A/N: **What you should now be asking yourselves is: 

1. How will Fred, George and Lee find out the password?

2. What adventures will the map lead them to?

3. How long a review do I think I can leave :D


	4. The Marauder's Map

**A/N: **So here's the fourth chapter. Thankyou SO MUCH to all the splendiferous people who reviewed – it was your comments that made me write. I love you all. Mwa.

Thankyou to my fantastic editor, lurv2boogie

**Rememberal: **Fred, George and Lee have been in detention writing copious lines of "I solemnly swear that I will never disrupt fellow students with humorous substances or disrupt important classes." Katie did not appreciate their boredom… especially since their pranks landed her with another week's worth of detention.

* * *

"And THEN, Katie was turned into a chipmunk by Snape, who had heard that she actually called Filch a squib." Angelina nodded sarcastically.

"And I suppose that you had nothing to do with anything, right boys?" Fred, George and Lee all vigorously shook their heads. Angelina rolled her eyes.

"Ah EXCUSE ME, Angelina! How can you not believe that she accidentally increased the volume of her voice by two hundred percent? We do it all the time, don't we, George?"

"Ah. Yes brother. All the time… accidentally of course!" Angelina sighed, and shook her head, muttering something that sounded very similar to the phrase 'boys will be boys', only with a slight alteration to 'boys'.

"Angelina! How could you? We are NOT bloody idiots!"

"Sure you're not, Fred. Sure."

"I think I may be insulted. Considering you weren't the one who had to write 'I solemnly swear that I will never disrupt fellow students with humorous substances or disrupt important classes.' FIFTY SODDING TIMES! FIFTY! As in… FIVE O. FIFTY! And it's not exactly a short sentence, either!"

"Oh gosh Fred, you're such a hero. I'm so sorry. You're so superior." Fred wore a proud expression as if he had just won an Olympic gold medal. He obviously didn't sense the sarcasm dripping from Angelina's words, and let her leave without hassle when she tried to leave to go to the library.

"Hah! Gotta keep them in line… women."

"Sodding hell! LEE! What is WRONG with you?" Lee was sitting on the ground, back up against the wall, coughing up rainbow-coloured grapes.

"Sor-cough-ry guys. It's just belch I guess writing so many lines a pink grape hit Fred in the nose after eating Honeydukes candy burp isn't too good for you. But I didn't think cough anything I ate would do grapes shot out of his mouth THIS to me!" Fred and George crouched down to Lee.

"Ah, dear brother," Fred said quite casually to George, looking at his watch, "he should be out cold in 3… 2… 1… 0"

Lee collapsed onto the hard stone floor of the hallway.

"Rito brother dearest. We should probably fix that minor glitch, huh?"

"Out cold every time. What a shame. And we were going to have a party tonight!"

"Is there any real reason why we shouldn't keep those plans?"

Fred thought for a moment. "Ah… nope!" He spotted two Gryffindors walking down the hallway, chatting to each other, "OI! YOU TWO!" The two jumped – normal people don't yell to others a metre away from them.

"Ah. Yes?"

"PARTY TONIGHT IN GRYFFINDOR COMMON ROOM!!"

"BE THERE… or be sphere!"

One of the Gryffindors looked confused, "Isn't it 'square'?"

George mumbled something about 'poetic licence' as the two Gryffindors bounced away. George started walking in the other direction until he realised that Fred wasn't following him. "Brother? Coming?" Fred was standing next to Lee, looking down on him.

"Georgie-porge, we really should do something with Lee. He's gonna be out cold for a while."

"I really do resent you calling me 'Georgie-porge', you know."

"George! Remember? Unconscious Lee?"

George grumbled, but shuffled over to help Fred examine Lee.

"Broom cupboard?"

"You read my mind."

* * *

"He's a hippopotamus - he's so goddamn HEAVY!"

"African elephant."

"Blue whale."

"Meerkat."

"You know, I heard that Meerkats are actually really small, cuddly and cute."

"Are you saying that Charlie was lying??"

"'Fraid so lil bro"

"I had NIGHTMARES about those vicious animals stalking me and ripping me apart!"

"… and it was all for nothing."

"Ooh. Revenge will be sweet."

Meanwhile, the unconscious Lee (having been dropped while the two discussed Meerkats), had been spotted by two pretty, young Ravenclaws, who were bending down to brush Lee's hair off his face.

"Would you two just shut up? Please?" one of them demanded to Fred and George.

"Oh. Right. Sorry." They shuffled over and bend down to look at Lee too.

"He needs a nose job," Fred kindly commented.

"And a new haircut," George put in. "I think it would be nice dyed red. You know, red is actually very in at the moment." He looked sideways at the two girls, and jerked his head towards them, as if to show them that he had red hair.

"Actually, black is so totally the new red. Didn't you hear?" the blond Ravenclaw questioned, "Red is SO five minutes ago!" The smiled sweetly at George, an angelic look playing across her face. Then she pulled out her want and whispered 'Renerverate" to the unconscious Lee, and walked away, her friend following closely behind her.

George muttered something about red never going out of fashion.

"You know, George? I think they liked us." Fred smiled at George, and turned to face Lee.

Lee's eyes slowly opened to see two concerned faces peering down on him. They looked like clowns with bright red hair and rather large noses.

"God, how long was I out?"

"A while," replied George softly.

"Minutes? Hours? Days?" Lee gave a little laugh, "Weeks?"

"Try months," frowned George, as Fred subdued a grin.

"Months?" said Lee sharply.

"Yeah months," nodded Fred seriously, "nearly eighteen to be precise."

"Oh my God, I can't believe it."

"I know," replied George, shaking his head. Lee moved his hand up to his head and sighed.

"This is not good. This is not good. This is not good," he muttered, repeating his little phrase over and over again, oblivious to Fred and George conversing quietly.

"So lil bro. 'I solemnly swear that I will never disrupt fellow students with humorous substances?' More like 'I solemnly swear that I am up to no good!'" he smirked as he drew his wand out of his bag, twirling it in his long fingers.

"Agreed."

The two looked back at Lee, who was looking up at them curiously. George covered quickly.

"We just popped into see you after our end-of-year feast."

"You still checked up on me after all this time?" asked an amazed Lee.

"Yeah," admitted Fred, "we come in once a week like clockwork, can't have our best friend missing out on any of the going on in the school."

"I can't believe it's been eighteen months," Lee moaned glumly. "Oh God, you don't think that they'll make me start over next year do you?"

"More then likely Lee," Fred said sombrely.

"You've missed loads of lessons," agreed George, whose face suddenly lit up with an idea. "Look. How about if we all go to Dumbledore and explain that Fred and I will bring you up to speed as much as we can over the summer and see if that'll be enough to let you start the third year with us."

"You'd do that?"

"Hey," Fred placed a caring hand on Lee's shoulder, "George and I take care of our friends."

"You guys are the best," complimented Lee smiling at his 'kind-hearted' friends.

"Mr Jordan," Professor McGonagall walked over to the three boys, "I take it that you'll be fine to do the quidditch commentary for next week's game?"

"So you let me keep the position of commentator?"

"Well of course we did!" frowned Professor McGonagall "why would we take that privilege away from you? You haven't done anything wrong, have you?"

"No. Because I've missed so much, and I might be held back a year," pointed out Lee equally confused.

"And why would you be held back a year?" asked McGonagall deeply concerned at her student's deteriorated mind.

"Because of how long I have been unconscious."

"You've been unconscious?" she asked worriedly.

"Yes! How could you not know?"

"Well Mr Jordan, you were fully conscious for my transfiguration lesson this morning."

"This morning?" Lee asked slowly, as the twins' shoulders shook with silent laughter, "So I haven't been unconscious for eighteen months?"

"Of course not! Don't be daft. You must have really hit your head hard!"

Lee sat quickly up; ignoring the obviously pained resistance put up by his body, and stabbed an accusing finger at Fred and George.

"You…complete…" he stuttered, his finger shaking with rage, he finished off the sentence with a rather vulgar and highly inaccurate swear word. Fred and George spent the rest of the day making strange poems with that swear word and the word 'itches'.

* * *

Once Fred and George had escaped Lee, who had realised that being unconscious for half an hour didn't paralyse your limbs, the two stumbled into the common room.

After playing exploding snap for an hour, and bribing the fifth years to play with them, only for the older kids to realise that the pack had been configured to give the brothers and unfair advantage and turn Fred and George's pack into cabbages, the two found that they were utterly bored.

Miraculously, they actually decided on their own to start on their homework (but this decision could have been prompted by the howler that Mrs Weasley send through to the common room, threatening to take away their allowance unless they got started on their homework).

So the twins went searching for their school bags, and they both upturned their bags onto the floor to begin.

"Oi Fred," George asked, "Is this yours?"

He was holding an old piece of parchment with green, dainty lines flooding its area, and little dots with tiny labels that seemed to move.

Fred peered over and read aloud the title that shimmered at the top of the parchment.

"The Marauder's Map."

At that point, the two would never have guessed how many times Moony, Padfoot, Wormtail and Prongs would save their life in two ways - by getting them out of trouble, and by making their time at Hogwarts a lot more interesting...

* * *

FIN

* * *


End file.
